Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Accept it or struggle against it, but do not deny that it exists - it will always be, it is your nature.

There are certain things that are such a fundamental part of us that we will never be able to change them no matter how much we wish or will them to be different. If I do not drink, I will experience thirst no matter how much I hate thirst. If I do not eat, I will experience hunger no matter how much I wish to not be hungry. If I do not sleep, I will experience sleepiness no matter how much it interferes with my life. And if I deny that I experience such basic things, I will clearly be a fool. Yet such a denial of nature is common, and not because fools are.

Many people claim that they don't want to be in a relationship, that they are "happily single" and so they plan to stay that way. I don't think that these people are foolish to think this, but I don't believe them either. My experience has been that they are at best lonely, and at worst satisfying their romantic needs using romantic bonds that they are oblivious to and will likely defile sooner than acknowledge.

Many people claim that they are content with a sexless life. These are the people who think that sex is necessarily dirty or necessarily immoral. I also don't believe these people when they claim to be okay with never having sex, and I also don't think that they are fools. But I do think that these people are often dangerous because to have a healthy sexuality we must channel and direct our sexuality using healthy activities, and if we are in denial of the fact that we desire to have sex then our desires won't cease to influence our choices but rather will continue to do so but covertly and untempered by ethical constraints.

Then there are the many people like myself who told themselves that they didn't need the profound to be a part of their lives to be happy. I use to eat, drink, and sleep a pursuit of greater truth. It was to deny the simple truth. It was an attempt to intellectualize my problems out of existence, to reduce all of my very real problems to misunderstandings and their corrections. If I complicated it enough, I couldn't understand it - it became easier to deny, or conclude from it whatever I wanted. My motives were far from pure, but I none-the-less ate, drank, and slept a pursuit of the profound. Then, I ceased needing to hide from the simple truths in my life. The simple truth became a rewarding job and a loving girlfriend. The simple truth was that I was happy, but even so, in a deeper more complicated region of my soul there was an emptiness brewing.

I asked myself why I felt that emptiness and I realized, or remembered, how much a search for the profound was a part of my life. I thirst to drink the profound, I hunger to consume it, and I am lulled to dream it. I will no longer live in denial of my nature. The only choice I have on the matter is how my monumental drive for the profound manifests... hello.

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